Outsourcing the Presidency

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 22, 2006.
The move is being made to save the President’s 0,000 yearly
salary, and also a record 1 billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5years.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should
be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds(R-WA). Reynolds,
with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied
outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to
remain
competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be
assuming the office of President as of 22 September 2006 . Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing
at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of 0 (USD) a month but with no health coverage
or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when
few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will
allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center,"
stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem because Bush was not familiar with the
issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will
enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using
the scanned responses, he can address common concerns without having
to understand the underlying issues at all.
 
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
"President Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Singh may
have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the
"down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top
of the Katrina situation.

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will
be eligible for 0 a week unemployment compensation for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has
been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help
him write a résumé and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience.
 
A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush’s extensive
experience shaking hands and his phony smile. Another possibility is
Bush’s re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior
records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he
would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before being sent
to Iraq, a country he has visited.
 
"I’ve been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who
gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad
Airport’s terminal and gift shop.
 
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with
details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate
welcome.